Entry 16: "The Computer-Knowledgeable Guy Wore Tennis Shoes"

Yo!

Well, America, you'll hit your 230th birthday this week. Congratulations! And you don't look a day over 229! ....But that's not what this week's post is about. I'm using this post to address a common problem among teenagers these days, most notably those of us who keep up with modern technology: Our parents are constantly using us as an on-call resource for computer help. The instant our parents' computers start acting up because they've been forgetting to empty their recycle bin for the past several months and the computer's getting slow, or they can't check their "E-mails" because they forgot to check if the wireless connection is active (or they forgot to plug in the phone line, whatever the case may be), it's "run to the young'un's room" time!! Mentality simulation: "They're up to the task of figuring it out! I'm way too busy with stuff like paying bills and keeping up with work to remember what my kids take time to teach me about how to operate my [several-hundred to a few thousand dollar] investment!!!"

Parents of America! Hear my proclamation! We, the "ornery, ungrateful, don't-know-how-easy-we-have-it" teenagers, know and understand the difficulties that come with being a responsible adult. Well, unless you're age 18 , you don't know through firsthand experience, but we all generally do observe the stress that these real-world matters load on you on a regular basis, and we do appreciate you for constantly doing what you do to make our transition into full adulthood as relatively painless as possible, with nothing but the best intentions in mind. But seriously. When we come in to hook up the phone line, switch on your wireless network card, point out the "compose email" button, or even turn on the computer for you-- whatever the problem may be,

Please.....

PLEASE..............

PLEASE TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT WE DO SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME BACK TO US EVERY OTHER WEEK AT BEST OVER THE SAME TYPES OF PROBLEMS!!!!!

I say this mainly to my mother and my grandmother. My grandmother has only recently (read: since September) been actively involved with her computer, and I understand that, and I'm willing to be patient with my explanations. We all have at least one truly non-computer savvy relative. My mother, on the other hand, is a tad more computer-literate than my grandmother, and it's her job to be (she does medical transcription. You know how when you go to the doctor for a checkup, and near the end your doctor steps out of the room to go to his/her office to add to your records? What he/she's actually doing is dictating the checkup results into a tape recorder and it's transcriptionists like my mother that type out the recording, and add the full document to your medical records. That's what a transcriptionist does), but when she comes home and has difficulty with how long it takes with opening her web browser because there's too many programs running in the background, that problem is usually solved with this helpful trick (you other Windows XP-er parents might want to take note):

STEP 1: Hit Ctrl Alt Delete on your keyboard.

STEP 2: Make sure the "Processes" tab is selected in the newly popped-up Task Manager window.

STEP 3: Click the "Mem[ory] Usage" tab a couple times so that the numbers in that column are in descending order, going down.

STEP 4: If you recognize the "Image Name" of a program that you didn't/shouldn't have run (read: "Startup Program"), right-click on it, hit "End Process", tremble in fear of the thought of the "system instability" warning being right this time (it almost never is, depending on what's closed. Only do this trick on programs that don't have "System" or "Network Service" as a user name, just in case. Those programs are kinda sensitive to this), and after confirming with your kid(s) how useless, at the moment, the program is, hit OK, and that should speed things up a little bit.

Now, don't go overboard and do this with all the programs in the list, because some of them are required for running certain things on the computer, even if they don't have System or Network Service as a user name. For example:

IEXPLORE.EXE/NETSCAPE.EXE/FIREFOX.EXE = Chances are, one of these programs is what you're using to read this Blog. IEXPLORE is Internet Explorer, NETSCAPE and FIREFOX are... well, Netscape and Mozilla Firefox. These are your web browsers. That's it.

EXPLORER.EXE = This is called Windows Explorer. This program must be running at all times, at least unless you prefer working with a computer interface that doesn't involve opening folders or using the Start Menu. That's what Explorer does.

WMPLAYER.EXE = This is standard Windows Media Player. If you don't know what this does, chances are, you have no business even being in the same room with a computer.

QUICKTIMEPLAYER.EXE = QuickTime Player. If you own a Mac, see above sentence.

These are just a few examples of programs you'll see in Task Manager. If you see a program you're not sure of, hit Start --> Search... and type in the name of the program. When the search is done, right-click on the program icon and hit "Show Containing Folder". Hopefully, the surrounding files should clue you in on what the file is and what it does.

There. That's my community service time for the month. Hopefully, that'll help you parents solve a VEEEERRRRRRYYYYYYY common computer problem, and let you learn a little something in the process. As always, comments, questions and kudos are always welcome on this, or any of my previous Blog entries. Keep on coming to this page, and I may have some more small suggestions like these to help you out a little along the way. Oh, and sorry about the length of this post. A tad wordy, I know. At least it was really informative and worth reading .........................But that's just me. ........................And hopefully, some of you parents out there, too. You're welcome, and Happy 4th of July!!!!!!

Later!

-D.